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ok I haven't written here since like 1999... I got a snazzy journal for christmas that year and started hand-writing my journals again. (After I get my computer out of pawn) I'm going to build my own server this summer. I'm sick of being banned or "asked to leave" other servers.... After that's done I'll get my webpage and webjournals back up there. Our new computer has our old computer's harddrive in it as well so my old webpage is still accesible. so what have I been up to since my journal went down with my webpage in 99? It's been mostly a downward spiral that I'm just now starting to climb out of. I took care of that autistic boy until Sept 2001, transferred to OSU and dropped out Oct 2001 after some guy killed himself by jumping off the math tower and basically landed at my feet, then in early november 2001 my fiance Lon lost his job and thats when my brother flipped out and called my mom and told her about our drug problem and she "forced" me into rehab and I was clean until christmas when I thought hey if I use out of state and only once it'll be ok... but then I got stuck in the frame of mind that if I wasn't using everyday then I wasn't a junkie... until I started using everyday again, or whenever we could afford to get some (hence the computer in pawn... my drums and our guitars are pawned too). I got sick of being sick all the time. whenever we had money there was no dope to find, when we were broke there was "dope-a-plenty" (there's never enough...) so we used two months like that, being dope sick three or more days a week and if I gotta be dope sick for more than 36 hours then I'm gonna go ahead and kick all the way.... so that's what happened in march. But I can't stay clean in columbus, whenever I'm there I wanna use. that's why we moved to bumfuck upstate new york. whenever we go back to take care of the cats or talk to the landlord (still trying to get out of our lease) we get high but I havent done that since I was dead (see next entry) well I used twice after I died and it wasnt fun anymore. How can you top being dead??

Always remember to quit while you're ahead.

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